According to Luke 23:26-42 [NLTse]

²⁶ As they led Jesus away, a man named Simon, who was from Cyrene, happened to be coming in from the countryside. The soldiers seized him and put the cross on him and made him carry it behind Jesus. ²⁷ A large crowd trailed behind, including many grief-stricken women. ²⁸ But Jesus turned and said to them, “Daughters of Jerusalem, don’t weep for Me, but weep for yourselves and for your children. ²⁹ For the days are coming when they will say, ‘Fortunate indeed are the women who are childless, the wombs that have not borne a child and the breasts that have never nursed.’ ³⁰ People will beg the mountains, ‘Fall on us,’ and plead with the hills, ‘Bury us.’ ³¹ For if these things are done when the tree is green, what will happen when it is dry?”

³² Two others, both criminals, were led out to be executed with Him. ³³ When they came to a place called The Skull, they nailed Him to the cross. And the criminals were also crucified—one on His right and one on His left.

³⁴ Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for His clothes by throwing dice.

Two weeks ago we were talking about forgiveness, and I was telling you about the careless friend who came for a visit and broke one of the lamps in our home. At that time we talked about how there are two kinds of careless friends: Those who apologize and tell us they’re sorry and perhaps even offer to replace what they’ve broken; and, those who aren’t sorry, and who tell us it wasn’t their fault and that we should’ve placed the lamp some place safer… But either way, because I love God and follow Christ, I have to forgive them, and I will forgive them.

uuuWhether they’re sorry or not, perhaps I’ll say, “It’s alright,” or “of course, I forgive you,” or “don’t worry about it,” or perhaps, even, “yes, maybe we shouldn’t have placed it there.” But either way, I’ll forgive them. And that will be the end of the matter. For them. But I’m still left with a broken lamp! Who will go shop for another? Who will purchase a replacement? I will. I have forgiven them, and so I will pay the penalty they owe for their carelessness.

When someone has wronged you (sometimes we’ll say they’ve “sinned against us”) it means they owe you, they are indebted to you. Forgiveness is Christ’s command for us to absorb the cost of the debt ourselves. We pay the price, refusing to exact payment from the person who wronged us in any way.

As we come together around the topic of forgiveness again, it’s critical for us to know we are not to keep track of every single time we have been treated unjustly or insensitively. uuu1 Peter 4:8 says, “Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.” “Love covers a multitude of sins” because, uuu“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

Jesus said our greatest commandment is to love the Lord our God, and to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. So we are to let many of the offenses against us go, striving to not even think twice about them, simply because of the love we are seeking God’s grace to show those around us. And yet, there are some wrongs and offenses that do need to be acted on and confronted.

Which brings us back to those who offend us who are sorrowful and repentant, and those who offend us who are unrepentant and don’t seem to care…

Forgiving a repentant person is easy. uuuThough forgiving the other means we are not to exact payment from the person who’s wronged us, if you think about it, somebody who’s repentant has already made the payment – or at least a portion of it – just by being sorry and acknowledging they’ve hurt us. Repentant people take much of the work of forgiveness away from us, because there may be very little “payment” left for us to make, or because of their sorrow and concern, we may find the part that’s left to us a joy.

However, we must also forgive unrepentant persons – those who don’t apologize and don’t seem sorry. Because of the resentment and bitterness unforgiveness spreads (we talked about that last time) we must forgive. But how do we actually forgive those who don’t seem to care they’ve hurt us at all?

uuuFirst, we need to realize that forgiveness is granted often long before it is actually felt. Just like love, forgiveness can be a feeling we have or do not have. But forgiveness is primarily a set of actions and disciplines. It’s a promise God commands us to make and to keep in spite of our feelings. So the first step to forgiveness is to promise God we’ll forgive, and then to act on that promise whether we feel like it or not.

uuuSecond, you cannot forgive someone unless you are honest with yourself about what has actually been done against you, what they have truly taken from you. So, step two is to assess the cost and let the facts of the matter stand as history.

uuuThird, it’s critical for us to separate the evil-doer from the evil they have done, and then, recognizing our offender as one for whom Christ died, seek to work for his or her redemption.

When on the cross the Lord Jesus said, “Father forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing,” (Luke 23:34) the Lord acknowledged the peoples’ sin, but He also recognized their need and their weakness (in that they weren’t aware of their sin), and so the Lord Jesus prayed for them.

Seeing “evil” as something distinct from the one committing the evil act helps us recognize that our true enemy is not this or that flesh and blood person, but the evil rulers, authorities, and mighty powers of darkness, and evil spirits in the heavenly places that are using him or her to hurt us. (See Ephesians 6:12) And then, through our acts of forgiveness, the one who offended us may even become softened and helped by our forgiveness and love. It’s an act of the will: We determine to wish them God’s good, and desire His growth and healing for their lives.

uuuOf course, at the heart of forgiveness is our determination to go and shop and pay the price for the broken lamp ourselves. There are many different ways we can make our offender pay, but each and every time we do not, we are absorbing the cost and making the “payments” ourselves.

• We can make nasty little remarks when talking with them, and bring up their debt and drag out the past in little ways; but when we do not, we are forgiving them.
• We can demand more from them than we do from others, because “they owe us”; but when we do not, we are forgiving them.
• We can make a public spectacle of the “mercy” we’ve shown them to make them feel ashamed and small; but when we do not, we are forgiving them.
• We can avoid them, and be cold to them in bold or subtle ways; and, of course,
• We can actively plan and scheme to hurt or harm them, getting them back and taking from them something valuable to them. But each and every we do not, we are acting with forgiveness towards them.

Of course, there are ways to make them “pay” even when we’re not dealing with those who’ve hurt us themselves, but when we’re interacting with others.

• We can try to “warn” others about them, or even ask for prayer, but sometimes we don’t do these things genuinely but use them as an excuse to make them look bad, hurt them, or share our hurt. (And each time we don’t we are forgiving them.)

And, of course, we keep the whole cycle of resentment and bitterness going strong every time we

• Replay in our memories what they did to us, justifying our anger and feeding our hostility towards them; and every time we
• Secretly hope for their failure, or their fall, or their pain. And every time we do not do these things we are tempted to do we are forgiving them in word and deed. (And perhaps our Father will grant us the gift of feeling forgiveness towards them over time, as well.)

Forgiveness is our promise to God to never bring the matter up again

• to the person who hurt us,
• to others around us,
• or even to ourselves.

And every time when we are tempted to make them pay but we refuse – even though we may still hurt –we are making the payment ourselves.

Someone once wrote: “Pain is the consequence of sin; there is no easy way to deal with it. uuuWood, nails, and pain are the currency of forgiveness, the love that heals.” (Dan Hamilton, Forgiveness)