1 Peter 3:1-6, 8-12 [NLTse]
In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.
3 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. 4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 5 This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. 6 For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do…
8 Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. 9 Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and He will bless you for it. 10 For the Scriptures say,
“If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies. 11 Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it. 12 The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right, and His ears are open to their prayers. But the Lord turns His face against those who do evil.”
As you may have guessed, I’d like to talk to those of you who are wives, this morning, but I want to do it with you, husbands, listening; and with you who may be hoping to be wives someday listening; along with you who may be hoping to be husbands…
Being married has many challenges. But through those challenges, we learn how to be flexible, and most importantly, how to love and forgive. For those of us who are married, the question to ask is, “Am I doing my part?” A failure to understand and live out the specific roles and responsibilities God has given to the husband and wife is the reason for the breakdown of so many marriages today. Wives, do you know what your responsibilities are? 1 Peter 3:1-6 that we just read does a wonderful job of summing them up. Let’s start at the beginning.
Here is what we just read from Peter’s First Letter… Here is Ephesians 5:22-23, “…wives… submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of His body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.” And here is Colossians 3:18, “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.” And Titus 2:4-5, “…older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.”
And there’s no way around the word, because “submit” or “subject” is a good translation for hupotasso, which means to place under or to subject. Wives are to place themselves under – are to subject themselves to – their husbands. And according to the passage from Ephesians we quoted, your model for that is the Church’s submission to Christ.
Different husbands and wives might live this out differently, but it certainly doesn’t mean that wives don’t get to have a say in the marriage relationship or the decisions couples have to make together. After all, Christ gives us a say in what He does – we call it “prayer” – to the point that the Bible says we reign with Him (2 Timothy 2:12)! So wives are called to fully share the wisdom, insights, and clear thinking they’ve perhaps been given, along with their wants and desires. (And men, let’s remember that many women, and many of them are our wives, are wiser and more insightful and clearer thinkers than we are.) But it remains that God has made the “buck to stop” with the husband; husbands, we are held responsible.
The kind of submission Christ calls wives to is very different from the kind of submission you can hear about and read about in the world:
(1) In the world submission is enforced, people are made to submit; but a wife’s submission to her husband is voluntary, from the heart;
(2) In the world submission is motivated by self-interest, demanded by those who expect us to act in ways which benefit them; biblical submission is motivated by a wife’s faith, hope, and love, and though directed to her husband, it is most truly given to our Lord and Savior Who gave up His rights and privileges in order to bring blessings to us;
(3) In the world submission is mainly a matter of who has power over whom; but a wife’s submission is more a matter of putting the interests of her husband ahead of her own.
Be encouraged, ladies, that the Lord’s given you life-changing, eternal reasons for such submissiveness. Peter says in our reading: “Even if [your husband’s] refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.”
I know many women and wives who try to get the men in their lives to do what they want by arguing and power-plays. But Proverbs says, “A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping,” (19:13) That “it’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife” (Proverbs 21:19) So trying to fight your husband for control clearly isn’t God’s way.
What’s the best way to influence your husband, regardless of his conduct or attitude toward you? Stop fighting with him and lovingly, willingly, submit to him. At least that’s what the God Who made you and your husband says, ladies.
Of course, there are situations where a wife must not submit to her husband. When we have a husband (or other authority figure over us) demanding we not show God’s righteous-love in a particular instance, or demanding we not show God our love for Him in some particular way, we must obey God rather than people, no matter their authority. And the Lord’s given you sisters and brothers to help you discern the truth about such things when you’re in the midst of them…
Enough about submission, let’s go on to the next big thing Peter talks about: With fashion, make-up, and weight-loss being billion dollar industries in our day, 1 Peter says to wives, “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.” Now, the Bible speaks of women being properly dressed and physically fit, of course (Proverbs 31:17, 21; 1 Corinthians 6:19), but our society has put burdens upon you ladies – you wives – which you were never intended to bear, and which the Lord your God is calling you to throw off today.
Our society pressures you to look a certain way, have a certain shape, and reveal it all to anyone who might take a look your way. But the Lord your God says, “Don’t be so concerned with how the package is wrapped, what you’re to be concerned about is the condition of the present that’s inside.” In the apostle Peter’s words, “You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands.”
Can you see how this might benefit your marriage? Not bearing the burden of wondering if everyone thinks you’re beautiful or if you’re as shapely as the latest cover girl. After all, you are for your husband and he for you. What does it matter whether anyone else in all creation finds you attractive or not? As long as He does. And along with your inner beauty and your gentle, quiet spirit, that’s all that matters!
Maybe you hear this and say, “But I don’t have a gentle and quiet spirit. My life’s more like an awkward clamor of bells!” Well, then it’s time to turn to God and turn away from your habits and practices and activities that are keeping you from being the woman and the wife God has purchased you to be through Christ’s death on the cross.
God’s calling you to submit to your husband? You do that by submitting to His Holy Spirit first! Stop giving in to your anger and gossiping and dirty language. No more lying, for you’ve stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. “Put on your new nature,” Paul writes to the Colossians, “and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like Him.” Instead, be kind, humble, gentle, and patient.
If at first you don’t succeed, don’t give up. Try and try and try and try and try again.
Make allowance for other’s faults. Forgive anyone who offends you. Remember that the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Focus on being thankful. Let the message about Jesus, in all its richness, fill your life. And teach and counsel others with whatever wisdom God’s given you. Whatever you do, whatever you say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God…
Husbands, I’m looking forward to talking to you very soon.